Being a working parent may be extremely guilt-inducing, and it gets harder if your child is having academic difficulties. You want to parent “properly” and choose the greatest course of action for your child, yet frequently nothing you do seems adequate.
It’s not just you.
Although ubiquitous, “working parent guilt” is not frequently spoken (most likely because people think like they should have the parent-work situation sorted).
The struggle parents have that causes them to feel guilty can be best summarized by the fact that having children requires time and money.
The time-cost dilemma
You choose to sacrifice time with your child for money when you decide to return to work. Without a job, you have more time, but less money and perhaps less prospects for your child.
The conflict is found in this.
Whatever decision you select, expect to go through what Impact Tutoring’s creator Jean McKenzie calls a “internal juggling.”
No matter what they decide, parents are trying to do the right thing, but it never feels like enough since something is given up.
Jean has personal experience with this problem as a working parent. She is an educator, so she is aware that having a job may not have as much of an effect on your child as you may believe.
Parents bear responsibility.
Children struggle in school for a variety of reasons, including how material is presented not fitting their learning style, pace of knowledge sharing, relationship with teacher, amount of time spent practicing what is learned, and more.
Jean discovers that parents continue to place the blame for their child’s problems on themselves despite giving these explanations.
“It seems sense that when your child is having a hard time, you feel a lot of emotion because you want the best for them. But if you get bogged down in self-blame, it becomes more difficult to understand what your child is going through.
You need to know what’s going on for your child in order to help them the best, and talking to your child’s teacher, a member of the school administration, or an educator like Jean can help you with that.
How to settle the time-finance disagreement
So how can you stop the “internal juggle” and settle the time-money conflict?
There isn’t a universal response to that query because it is dependent upon you and your particular circumstance.
Jean provides the following three suggestions to help you decide what to do:
Do not evaluate your actions in comparison to those of other parents.
It’s easy to compare yourself negatively to other parents, whether they are people you know or people you see online. The best decision, however, will always be the one that is best for you, your child, and your family or whanau, as Jean observes, “You’re not them and they’re not you.”
Understand your personal priorities.
Many people believe that time and money (and the opportunities they present) are mutually exclusive and that it is impossible to have both. However, this is not always the case. Consider whether one is more significant to you than the other. What does it look like if both are significant?
Decide depending on the things you value.
We’re all trying our best as parents, but there isn’t a manual outlining all the details! Support yourself in making the greatest choice possible based on your personal priorities. (and be aware that you always have the option to change your mind).
Will the shame and “internal juggling” ever truly vanish? You undoubtedly expect us to say “yes,” but we want to be upfront with you (and we know you value that).
The greatest way to reduce the guilt you have is to avoid comparing yourself to other people and your choices, and to concentrate instead on what is best for you, your child, and your family/whanau.
